It really hit me this morning as I walked through my home, taking my morning shower, and getting ready for my day. My wife has applied for two jobs with the city, both at the public library, jobs she needs to be considered for the Scholarship she's going for. If we don't get a call for an interview in the near future, our world could change drastically. She has to apply for that Scholarship in a couple of weeks and already having a job at a library gives you an edge with regard to receiving it.
Life is full of uncertainty.
Liz has looked for jobs around town too, spreading her resume and applications to several places. One rejection email so far, one interview for a part time position. The fruits of tirelessly looking for a job since December 09. If the job market in Boise really is that tight, one wonders if this is where we're meant to be. As I sit in my marvelous office writing this, I'm filled with a sense of terrible urgency. This isn't about money or surviving at its core, it's about finding my wife's place in the world.
I can go anywhere and do what I do.
My work requires very little office space and an internet connection. That's of little comfort when I think about all would we would leave behind. I have a large number of friends and family in Boise, a marvelous home, and a familiarity with the streets and buildings. This really has become my hometown, and the thought of moving somewhere else weighs heavily upon me. I enjoy relationship with a large number of people in Boise and have a good support structure, something that would be impossible to rebuild somewhere else.
Must all we sacrifice in the pursuit of our dreams be so precious?
I'd like to think we'd just be gone a couple of years, Liz working at a library elsewhere, finishing Grad school... then we'd move back. This isn't probably very realistic. The Federal Government has done little to make the economic situation better, and have probably made it worse postponing and inevitable rethink of world economics. It's pretty hard to get a job as a cashier, burger flip-it technician, or warehouse worker in Boise right now. People have little faith in the economy and in the power of our own people and Government to correct it. My own opinion is that this dry spell will take several years to work itself out.
The time we have on this earth is finite and irreplaceable.
I want to live well. I don't care if I have lots of money, a big house, or similar. I don't need the adoration of others, the approval of an employer, or the comfort of being 'apart of something'. I just want to live well and continue writing. In the wake of all other desire this has to be central to all I do. My wife's own ambitions are as simple, and I marvel at her tenacity. Being with someone more driven to something than yourself is humbling to say the least. Liz is a machine.
I hope and pray the Boise Public Library calls her for an interview soon, she gets the job, the scholarship, and we can continue living in our hometown. I have faith that if this does not happen, that for some reason, we are probably meant to dwell somewhere else besides Boise. Some people use Faith to comfort them but my own has never worked that way. Always, my Faith has led me to difficult but rewarding places, challenging me to be an ethical being.
I pray things go the way I would like, but accept whatever may come of the next two weeks.