I lack it.
I need like two more months of 2009. I feel woefully behind in almost every respect having greatly desired to see more of what I'd sewn in a state to be reaped.
Apotheosis in the beginning stages.
Primordium seemingly stalled.
Dreams & Echoes ravenously devouring my time and energy, and the second book looms large. I wanted it to be something like fifty pages. With all I have hand written and already typed, it might well have to be split into two, creating a third world-building book.
I feel like I have one day before the deadline falls flat around me and I have somewhat less to show for my efforts than previously desired. I guess that's the ultimately the flaw in whoever designed the premise for crafting lofty goals. Friends leaving town, rarely seen family coming to visit, and the hub-bub of the holidays could easily take the blame.
In my heart I know the truth.
If I resolve to do anything in the aftermath of 2009, it is to get out of town a little more and find quiet places where cell phones and the internet cannot reach. Where there are no distractions or timely delights to lure me from my post. We all need respite, but I feel like I have had mine and am better for it.
The anxiety that gnawed at me for months lies quietly under my control. I'm not sure how. Maybe the time I've spent relaxing and fooling around was worth the loss of productivity short term.
A good friend came to me with a new project. If 2010 holds any magic, it is the upcoming collaborative works that enchant me the most. I can't wait to put forth something a little more tangible on the basis of all the preparations I've made.
Nothing like having a plan after all.