Sunday, January 24, 2010


Having resolve to do what you set out to do takes perseverance... obviously.

After my panic attack yesterday, I spent the day resting. Also, I wrote a few pages I genuinely like, and had a rewarding sit down with my Apotheosis (Sci-Fi) setting folks. My ideas were well received and the benefit of working outside of the bubble paid off.

The days when I'm just not feeling it, I need to spend the day drawing, writing letters, playing video games, anything but working. I end up with 15-20 pages of drivel that makes me feel bad about what I'm doing. Those days have been rare of late, this really snuck up on me. Usually I feel the rhythm of my own voice and all is well. All I could feel yesterday was panic.

The whole episode has made me introspective, more than usual. Having largely conquered the anxiety that had all but crippled me in July and August of 09', I had myself feeling invincible again writing in quantity. For anyone who knows how it is to feel fragile, it comes with a certain acceptance over time, and I'm just not there yet. I'm too stupid, stubborn, or both to give myself the room to put my work aside when the situation warrants it.

I thought about taking what I posted down, but I think it needs to stay as a reminder to cut myself a little slack. Think I'll do some writing tomorrow, unless I'm cloudy with a chance of rain.

1 comment:

  1. Main Entry: anx·ious
    Pronunciation: \ˈaŋ(k)-shəs\
    Function: adjective
    Etymology: Latin anxius; akin to Latin angere to strangle, distress — more at anger
    Date: circa 1616
    1 : characterized by extreme uneasiness of mind or brooding fear about some contingency : worried
    2 : characterized by, resulting from, or causing anxiety : worrying
    3 : ardently or earnestly wishing

    synonyms see eager

    — anx·ious·ly adverb

    — anx·ious·ness noun

    I am working to change my personal definition to #3. and I really like the synonym listed.

    You and I are H.S.P.s and being one makes for a sometimes difficult existence.

    But the other choice is to be a bonehead. And I don't want to be a bonehead. And you are not a bonehead.

    Ëndeavor to persevere...!