Just got a call from the Fraternal Order of Police wanting me to give $25.00+ American. Don't know why, but every time I get a call from them I feel a sense of irrational resentment. I could literally feel every measure of control, every filter, every drop of artificial civility I had draining quickly away. I was reduced to single word, yes or no, answers.
"Don't you want to support your local Police Officers?" The pitchman says, his voice full of false concern.
I simply said yes. However, I wanted to bring up the fact that my young adolescence was tainted forever by my Father's choice to wear the uniform. I wanted to make the pitchman understand what every Officer's family endures to support them, and therefore Law Enforcement as a whole. I wanted to tell him about every time I was verbally or physically assaulted for showing my support for Law Enforcement. I wanted him to understand what the true price of supporting Law Enforcement was... and it wasn't $25.00 per family unit.
Being a member of Law Enforcement means accepting that you will be in harms way. They cannot be weak. They cannot be slow. They cannot falter or let their guard down. I used to resent my Father for these things, because it left little time for anything else. Now I just resent an indifferent, and undeserving, society that makes what my dad does necessary. Most don't deserve to be protected... Justice would be allowing the wolves to run the world red with the blood of sheep. Let them know the horror of standing at that terrible precipice for awhile... see how they like it.
"Don't you believe that what our Police Officers do is important?" The Pitchman chides.
I wanted to tell the pitchman that I have all the traits, teeth, and temperament of a Sheepdog, and that I would give anything to be different. I even spent some time being a wolf. If you haven't chosen a career path that caters to your natural predisposition, you feel guilty around anyone who has. If you do choose that career path, you will utterly lose yourself to it. The more I come to understand my Father's choices, the more I have come to resent my own. It is a legacy that taints and spoils everything I do, no matter how much I try to wear wool.
So when the Fraternal Order of Police calls asking me for my support... I just wanted to say this... The Job has taken more than enough from my family, leave us alone.
I feel like writing something so black right now... you'd have to sit in a shadow to read it.